dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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