i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
