the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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