a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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