she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize