This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize