I'm passing your future prison.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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