i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
