Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
