duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize