Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
