it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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