i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
