i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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