I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize