I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
