I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
