i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He better not be in your backpack
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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