How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
