i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
