That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize