he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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