I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
