i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
