Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm bleeding and have questions
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize