My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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