his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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