PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
