Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
