So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
