What a fucking waste of an outfit
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can vaginas get frostbite?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize