The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
