do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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