apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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