my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
