my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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