did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
