I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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