a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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