Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
