i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
