marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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