New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
