hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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