Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
