I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
