You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
