Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
