Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
