If that was your dad, he is hot
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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