Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
