69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
