Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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