Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
