You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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