so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
