So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
