i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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