we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
