five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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