Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
