I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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