This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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