I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
