I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
