my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
