The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
