apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize