I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
