You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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