oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
